I have been pondering about the reasons why married couples remain in their marriage despite the many challenges it brings their way . Is it perhaps true what our marriage counsellor said before we got married? ‘A man must choose his love; and then love his choice.’ Profound, but what does it actually mean.
- to come home to you everyday.
- to listen to you retelling the same joke.
- to listen to every crazy dream you have.
- to dream with you.
- to eat at your favourite restaurant.
- to not tear up your ancient but favourite t-shirt.
- to watch your favourite tv-channel.
- to sit up with you, when you’re burning the midnight oil.
- to pick your favourite treats.
- to understand your weird taste.
- to watch you grow older and wiser.
- to make the bed, although you never.
- to allow you and the children to describe my favourite music, as boring.
- to listen to you singing in the shower(clichéd but so true!)
- to appreciate a sunrise/sunset with you.
- to spend time with you.
- to jog with you.
- to cook for and with you.
- to remember we are on the same side.
- to laugh with and at you!
- to love your parents as my own.
- to visit crazy, noisy family.
- to plan for our future.
- to pray for and with you.
- to give you alone time.
- to trust you.
The list is endless, but truth is it cuts both ways – you cannot receive something you are not prepared to give. Perfection is totally excluded, no man/woman is perfect and marriage is often the one space where our imperfections, weaknesses and shortcomings are laid bare – which makes us vulnerable to intense pain and suffering. One can only hope and pray that the choice is not ‘I choose to hurt you.’ At times one has to take the high road, despite what actually happens and choose not to retaliate in the same fashion as the person who hurt you.
Our choice must always be, I choose to love.
Raise your hand if your parenting skills lack finesse and maturity at times. If you did not raise your hand, you should be blogging and sharing your secret! Parenting is truly a comedy of errors, with laughter almost always being preceded by frustration, and sometimes tears.
I often get pretty annoyed by individuals who seem to undermine the demands of modern day parenthood. There seems to be a perception that most parents have greater interest in their own needs, than their children’s. In some instances, this tends to be true; but most parents toil day and night in order for their children to have better lives.
The dilemma I face right now, is raising two girls and a boy. The boy has typical middle child characteristics and is not a hothead,at all! The girls however, are like chalk and cheese – more in personality than age. The eldest is more reserved and somewhat of a loner. The six year old is the total opposite – a serial hugger, articulate (with a vocabulary that speaks volumes!) girlie girl. This poses a challenge to me especially when giving an instruction. To get the maximum results, I have to think of the best way to the express my expectation,
without any ambiguity.
I wish it was as easy as ordering a bottomless coffee at a cafe. It’s much closer to that dreaded visit to the dentist!
The instruction usually consists of 3 phases, much like doing laundry wash, rinse and hang. At this point I might add that some would perceive my laundering tactics pretty basic, be rest assured that soak, rinse and dry is totally part of the package!
- To get things started, I generally ask the one whom I know hates doing chores, like dishes.
- They envision themselves as being the clever one, if you start you finish first.
- The one who has a reputation for doing a thorough job, is responsible for phase 2.
- The final phase is given to the fault finder, this way all three of them are bound to doing their chores well and understand, mom’s interpretation of teamwork.
- The soak cycle is moaning about having to do chores.
- Rinse cycle is the time they waste bickering about the quality and quantity of each other’s chores.
- Dry cycle,realising that you have no choice but to do it!
For some this might appear to be ‘much ado about nothing’ but there comes a time in each parent’s life when you have to outsmart your offspring or bear the consequences. I’d rather bare my teeth in a satisfied grin, that their chores are actually getting done instead of regretting the fact that never taught them anything other than slouching in front of the television!
The only term I can recall from a few tennis lessons. Continue reading “Follow through…”