The woman in the mirror

I always review my progress, as a parent, on a quarterly basis and I must say I sucked the past four months. Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT about to belittle myself, it is my assessment of what went wrong!

I am proud of being a single mom of three, pulling a full time teaching position, entrepreneur, parent representative of a school governing body and aunt,those are the relationships and areas that require the most from me and lately there just hasn’t been enough of me to go around. My forty-something year old self just needs an additional 12 hours added to my day in order to be a better version of my fabulous real self!

I love my kids dearly and am fiercely protective of them, but my overtired self has really made it painfully impossible to express that. So how bad has been, you might wonder.

As bad as:

  • Snapping at my already children
  • Bad mouthing their dad for not pitching to pick them up
  • Threatening to have the dogs impounded
  • Screaming and shouting 24/7
  • Slacking on preparing good nutritious meals

The worst is that I really just want to forget about being late for work again and drop happy kids off at school, and drive off to my mornings only job and be there waiting when school dismisses. My desire to be more available for my children is destroying the results of what I am already doing! Now, that is ‘mommy bashing’ par excellence!

How do I convince myself that whatever I am doing right now is my best, without comparing myself to any other mother- single, married, co-parenting, SAHM or all other forms of mothering?

I shall acknowledge that :

  • I am doing the job of two parents
  • I step up to the plate when required
  • I am a woman and mother of substance
  • Without my efforts my children’s world would be poorer 
  • I am doing my best, albeit imperfectly

I long to pledge to myself that I will no longer aspire to be a perfect mother, because she is the figment of my and many others’ imagination. She does not exist and demonizing of self, is not going to improve my performance as much as loving myself and acknowledging my works-as good- can potentially do.

I will from now on, aspire to:

  • Hug instead of snap!
  • Laugh rather than frown!
  • Sing instead of shout!
  • Pray before complaining!
  • Dance in the eye of the storm!

The woman in my mirror deserves love, my support, my compassion, and to be acknowledged by me as a QUEEN!

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Peace for life

The thought of peace for my birthday was born from whispering a prayer, “during a tired but can’t sleep rendezvous” ; two days before my 43rd birthday.
I prayed for peace about
* choices and decisions I made in the past, am making in the present and will make in the future
* Raising my kids
* My health
* My future
* My children’s future
* My dreams
* My finances
* My family
* Growing older
* The woman I am and own
* My relationships
* My earthly and spiritual journey
* My destiny
* Everything that broke my heart
* The dreams and desires I never verbalised and might never fulfill
* The times I could not gather my pieces after falling
* The times I gave up prematurely
* The times I held on too long
* I did not like or love myself
* The times I was more merciless than my worst critics
* The times I didn’t celebrate myself
* For not listening to the Holy Spirit guiding me
* For allowing envy and jealousy take a hold of my heart
* Rejecting good people to please fake ones
* Allowing fear of failure to paralyse me
The time is right and ripe to love ME with all my perfect imperfections.

Unapologetic Mom

Love is a powerful emotion, it is such that you will do things beyond your own expectations. This I learn daily whilst raising my three children. 
When your child is born; bonding and showering them with love , is the most fulfilling and indescribable act through which love is shown by a mother. It is the most amazing and rewarding stage of mothering. As our young ones grow, so does the demands of motherhood and the more offspring you have, the greater the demand. Having more than one child does not mean you are neglecting any of your children, you merely get to share your fabulosity with more people!
The past year I had to shift my parenting gears big time! My eldest is a pre-teen, at 12. My middle child, a 9 year old boy; and the youngest at 6 is learning to become independent. My mothering skills are being tested to the brim and so is my ability to stand up for my kids. One thing I realise daily, whilst interacting with moms of all spheres, is that there is nothing unique about my challenges- it might be something new to me; but not unheard of! The best I can do, is to share how I deal with them.
Whether you are a SAHM, working mom, single mom or whichever category you want to place yourself under; you are capable of doing much for and with your children. Forget about what everyone else is doing, trust that you are doing your best. If you believe you can do better, than do so. Set your own standard whilst learning from what everyone else are doing.
Love for my kids made me choose to do a few things, that made life more manageable and enjoyable.
Try this:
* Teach them the power of prayer
* Help them understand that they are responsible for one another and themselves
* Give chores
* Let them prepare meals
* Explain the value of money
* Participate in their school organisations (they spend most of their day in school, so you might as well be aware of what happens in school)
* Allow them to have pets
One thing my children know without any doubt, is that I will confront any person who dares to infringe on their right to being. That is a total non-negotiable area and which I refuse to ever be apologetic about! We have an African saying, ‘ You strike a woman, you strike a rock!’ You better believe it! 
As a mother you do not have to apologise for expecting your children’s humanity and rights to be recognised, bearing in mind that they in turn, should not disregard those of another. Basic rights include the much debated issue of education, each person have a different opinion as to what constitutes a good education. 
Education is still an unattainable right for many across the globe, and where it is available the standard remains questionable; but that does not mean you have to accept it. No institution is above the law and in free countries, it becomes your obligation to query the status quo and if possible set wheels in motion for change or create cognisance about important matters.
Common problems experienced in schools: – Bullying
– Special Needs Education
– Gifted learners
– Attitudes , Skills and Values of educators
– Facilities
– School discipline
Where do you stand as a mother? 
  • Do you protect your child by hovering on the perimeter or do you muster all your courage and join parent bodies that orchestrate change?
  •  Do you leave change to politicians and civic leaders? 

No, mothers get up and start involving themselves in what affects their most precious and fragile gift. We cannot allow the box officers (people who box us by their standards) to keep us from making a difference.

Mothers need to stand up, regardless of how frightened, inadequate or ill-equipped you might feel. That could be the best way you show your children that you love them, by standing up for more children than only your own.

The roar of a mum is as bad as her bite!
We can do significant things, in small ways.