I have been pondering about the reasons why married couples remain in their marriage despite the many challenges it brings their way . Is it perhaps true what our marriage counsellor said before we got married? ‘A man must choose his love; and then love his choice.’ Profound, but what does it actually mean.
- to come home to you everyday.
- to listen to you retelling the same joke.
- to listen to every crazy dream you have.
- to dream with you.
- to eat at your favourite restaurant.
- to not tear up your ancient but favourite t-shirt.
- to watch your favourite tv-channel.
- to sit up with you, when you’re burning the midnight oil.
- to pick your favourite treats.
- to understand your weird taste.
- to watch you grow older and wiser.
- to make the bed, although you never.
- to allow you and the children to describe my favourite music, as boring.
- to listen to you singing in the shower(clichéd but so true!)
- to appreciate a sunrise/sunset with you.
- to spend time with you.
- to jog with you.
- to cook for and with you.
- to remember we are on the same side.
- to laugh with and at you!
- to love your parents as my own.
- to visit crazy, noisy family.
- to plan for our future.
- to pray for and with you.
- to give you alone time.
- to trust you.
The list is endless, but truth is it cuts both ways – you cannot receive something you are not prepared to give. Perfection is totally excluded, no man/woman is perfect and marriage is often the one space where our imperfections, weaknesses and shortcomings are laid bare – which makes us vulnerable to intense pain and suffering. One can only hope and pray that the choice is not ‘I choose to hurt you.’ At times one has to take the high road, despite what actually happens and choose not to retaliate in the same fashion as the person who hurt you.
Our choice must always be, I choose to love.