I always review my progress, as a parent, on a quarterly basis and I must say I sucked the past four months. Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT about to belittle myself, it is my assessment of what went wrong!
I am proud of being a single mom of three, pulling a full time teaching position, entrepreneur, parent representative of a school governing body and aunt,those are the relationships and areas that require the most from me and lately there just hasn’t been enough of me to go around. My forty-something year old self just needs an additional 12 hours added to my day in order to be a better version of my fabulous real self!
I love my kids dearly and am fiercely protective of them, but my overtired self has really made it painfully impossible to express that. So how bad has been, you might wonder.
As bad as:
- Snapping at my already children
- Bad mouthing their dad for not pitching to pick them up
- Threatening to have the dogs impounded
- Screaming and shouting 24/7
- Slacking on preparing good nutritious meals
The worst is that I really just want to forget about being late for work again and drop happy kids off at school, and drive off to my mornings only job and be there waiting when school dismisses. My desire to be more available for my children is destroying the results of what I am already doing! Now, that is ‘mommy bashing’ par excellence!
How do I convince myself that whatever I am doing right now is my best, without comparing myself to any other mother- single, married, co-parenting, SAHM or all other forms of mothering?
I shall acknowledge that :
- I am doing the job of two parents
- I step up to the plate when required
- I am a woman and mother of substance
- Without my efforts my children’s world would be poorer
- I am doing my best, albeit imperfectly
I long to pledge to myself that I will no longer aspire to be a perfect mother, because she is the figment of my and many others’ imagination. She does not exist and demonizing of self, is not going to improve my performance as much as loving myself and acknowledging my works-as good- can potentially do.
I will from now on, aspire to:
- Hug instead of snap!
- Laugh rather than frown!
- Sing instead of shout!
- Pray before complaining!
- Dance in the eye of the storm!
The woman in my mirror deserves love, my support, my compassion, and to be acknowledged by me as a QUEEN!